Gay? No way.

According to the New York Times, the United States took the bold position of voting against a non-binding measure to decriminalize homosexuality in the United Nations. Not only was it co-sponsored by the French and the Dutch, but all 27 European Union nations voted for it! It wasn't bad enough that they brought us the printing press, the Reformation and the Renaissance, now they have to shove equal rights down our throats.

Well the heck with them. Of course we can't stand up in the United Nations and decriminalize homosexuality. For crying out loud, if we decriminalize homosexuality, the next thing you know they'll be decriminalizing child labor, and the trafficking of women for sexual purposes. Oh.

Well....and then what? Next thing the zealots will do is insist that people have the right to drink clean water, and access to affordable health care. No sir. Decriminalizing homosexuality is just another slippery plank of the global homosexual agenda. And they are sneaky. They use people like Leonardo da Vinci and his art, Elton John and his music, Truman Capote and his literature, and Ellen DeGeneres and her humor to demonstrate that they are just like us. And I for one will NOT have it.

I mean, come on people, we can't have the world thinking that America stands for such nonsense as respect, dignity and God forbid, equal rights under the law.

No sir. Mark my words, someday, people will look back on George Bush's courageous refusal to bend to the homosexual agenda and decriminalize homosexuality at the United Nations as the moral equivalent of Gov. George Wallace blocking the schoolhouse to prevent the integration of Alabama schools.

How do YOU spell irony?

This is a quick one, and I certainly hope the guy is OK, but you can't beat this headline for irony. According to Reuters:

U. S. anti-kidnap expert kidnapped in Mexico

More to the point is that Mexico is a mess. Someone recently wrote that if this keeps up, we are going to have an Hispanic version of Afghanistan south of our border. A country out of control that is largely run by the mob. Drug lords, warlords. Same diff.

David Danelo in an op-ed piece on a McCalatchy website put it most succinctly:

Mexico, our second-largest trading partner, is a fragmenting state that may spiral toward failure as the recession and drug violence worsen.

But nothing will change while Cabo is quiet and Cancun still has sun and margaritas.

Happy 60th Birthday

Was it good for you? Man, I thought the partying would never end. For weeks I'd been preparing. Sending out the cards, hanging the bunting, preparing for that national holiday...yes indeed, when it comes to celebrating the sixtieth birthday of the Universal Declaration of Human Rights, we spared no effort. Right? Hello?

What do you mean you missed it?

It led the news. President Bush met with human rights activists in the Oval office. It was HUGE.

For my money it didn't get nearly the press it deserves. Just another reminder that we have a long way to go to achieve the following:

"Article 1: All human beings are born free and equal in dignity and rights. They are endowed with reason and conscience and should act towards one another in a spirit of brotherhood."

So, during this holiday season, let's pause for a minute, even as our economy is in shambles, to remind ourselves that there are those who are worse off than we are. Like, Maung Thura, also known as Zarganar a comedian in Myanmar doing 45 years for trying to help cyclone victims. He is just one of countless thousands who sit in prisons, without legal recourse, subject to torture and beatings just because they spoke up.

Free Fall

I, along with the rest of the world, am watching Zimbabwe in free fall. It's the ultimate train wreck. Hyperinflation, corruption, cholera. You wonder if Mugabe even knows what's going on, or is he firmly sealed in his bubble.

What is your day like when one of the most important things you will do all day is find clean water to drink.

And at what point do ordinary Zimbabweans rise up and say, "Enough!"

They will eventually. And there will be more bloodshed. Of that we can be certain.

The real interesting thing is watching how the rest of the world is standing by. I think people want to intervene but lack the will. You can't interfere in a sovereign country. So we will have more Cambodias, more Darfurs and on and on.

And more people will die. Not funny.

Elsewhere in the world.....

According to a piece on the BBC website, some guy is building an exact replica of the Taj Mahal in Bangladesh to the tune of $58 million dollars.

Yes. Really.

When I think of a list of things that Bangladesh needs, "exact replica of Taj Mahal" is not in the top five on that list. Truth be told, it doesn't even make the list.

Here a couple of items about Bangladesh that I gleaned from the CIA's World Factbook:

• much of the country is routinely inundated during the summer monsoon season

I'm thinking $58 million might be a good start on a system of dikes.

• many people are landless and forced to live on and cultivate flood-prone land; waterborne diseases prevalent in surface water; water pollution, especially of fishing areas, results from the use of commercial pesticides; ground water contaminated by naturally occurring arsenic; intermittent water shortages because of falling water tables in the northern and central parts of the country; soil degradation and erosion; deforestation; severe overpopulation

Rubber boots anyone? Again, the term dike comes to mind. Maybe use some of that $58 million to bring in a couple of Dutch guys who have some experience with the whole dike/water thing.

Don't get me wrong, I like the Taj Mahal. I've been there. Seen it. Nice building. But it's been done. Bangladesh needs dikes. Or a dam. At the very least... a couple of ambitious beavers.

Almond Cluster Joy Bombs

I, for one, am glad the U. S. did not join 100 other nations in signing the treaty to ban cluster bombs. We, along with the other 26 nations who manufacture cluster bombs, have worked long and hard to perfect a way to maximize collateral damage to children, and darn it, we are not going to let all those years of research and hard work go for naught.

Leaving aside for a moment the lucrative nature of the cluster bomb business, people have to realize that it's not everyday that you come up with a really effective device with which to kill human beings. And, long after the bombers are back in the hangars, these bomblets just keep on killing. Talk about bang for your buck.

But I think we can do better. Right now according to an article in the UK's Guardian newspaper, Handicap International says that 98% of the casualties it found were civilian. Only 98%! I know, you're saying that 98% is pretty good, and that it's hard to perfect something as neat as the cluster bomb, but hear me out.

Having spent some time in the branding/advertising industry I think the way to kill more children and civilians is packaging. Perusing the images of cluster bombs on the Internet, it is easy to see right away that there is a dearth of imagination when it comes to cluster bombs. We need to brighten things up.

We have to use the color palette more creatively. Reds, greens, blues, yellows. And what if we made them cuddly? How about wrapping the cluster bombs in stuffed animals like little toy bears, or cuddly pandas -- you know, to draw the kids in. And what if we disguised them as food to grab the adults? A cluster bomb that looks like a can of soup. Come on folks, 98% is good, but I think we can get that last 2%.

Who's with me?

How about a Soft Power Czar?

President-elect Obama rolled out his national security team the other day, and if you ask me, there was someone missing. Who is going to run the United States Information Agency? Oh...right. It doesn't exist anymore.

Laugh if you want...but America the brand has been diluted if not outright damaged by the current administration. While the new team is a good start towards repairing that damage, this needs to be a coordinated effort. Luckily though, as hard as they tried to destroy it, they failed. As my friend Bill says, "There is only one American dream. There is no Chinese dream, there is no German dream and there is no French dream."

Come January 20th, we get a do-over. A chance to once again re-assert America as the place to be. It's time to replace the big ugly bouncers in wrap around sunglasses behind the velvet rope with a Wal-Mart greeter. Come on down.

We need to let the world know that the last 8 years were just a bad dream. Yeah, we got a little paranoid after 9/11, and we over-reacted but could you blame us? We'd never been attacked like that before. It was like we were the prom queen and we discovered that not everyone likes us. Oh my god! But we're better now. Really.

That's why the person that the new President puts in charge of Public Diplomacy had better have a real understanding of the world. It needs to be someone who has spend time living in different countries. Not someone who has served in multiple U. S. missions abroad and who's only contact with locals has been the people who come through the consulate doors.

No we need someone who has not been a part of the U. S government. Someone who shopped in the markets and hung out in the bars. Someone who has ridden public transportation regularly, someone who has had contact with the local cultures. Someone who has coughed up 5 yuan or ringits or rupees to buy that grilled "thing" on a stick and then spent the next five hours on their knees praying to the porcelain god while that "thing on a stick" worked their way through their body. Hey, that's how you learn about local culture. It's also where you hear what people really think about the U. S.

Right now, folks aren't happy with the U. S. But we can fix it. We may have to eat a few more "things on a stick" but it will be worth it.

Monday....monday.....

As I disengage from our annual national tryptophan induced coma, I'm thinking the sub-continent could use to eat a little more turkey.

Terrible stuff in Mumbai, theories abound and everyone has an opinion, but if you drill down, it ultimately comes down to economics with a side order of tribalism or religion. One element has primacy, and all that are associated with it get to benefit. Belong to the minority and you're a second class citizen. The answer is to give everyone a shot at the pie equally. When people are fat and happy and worried about soccer games and school grades you have progress.

Speaking of progress....

I flew into Iran a number of years ago and I remember that the Purser on the flight said something to the effect of, "Welcome to Tehran, the local time is 1:15 PM in the year 1365." Sure...a cheap shot. But reading the BBC website last week I came across this piece which reminds me that they have a ways to go:

A court in Iran has ruled that a man who blinded a woman with acid after she spurned his marriage proposals will also be blinded with acid.

Ah...equality. You don't think so? Who's to say that a few years ago she wouldn't have been stoned to death for the same "offense" ? I mean spurning a MAN's advances?? That just doesn't cut it. So as far as I'm concerned, this is visible progress.

Truth be told, most Iranians are probably embarrassed by this. I know I would be.

Yeah....right.

So the Financial Times had a piece yesterday about how Pakistan's government was going to remove the military from politics. They said they had disbanded the political wing of the ISI, Pakistan's intelligence agency in order to "sharply reduce the military's influence in politics." Yup. They just gave up, rolled up their tents and went home. "We're done. No more politics for us. It was just getting to be too much of a hassle."

And if you believe that, I have a few leftover WMD's you may be interested in in Iraq.

Oh...but it gets better. According to the FT, "Asif Ali Zardari made one of the strongest overtures of any Pakistani president to India. He offered to abandon Pakistan's first-strike nuclear threat, sign a South Asian nuclear non-proliferation treaty and join India in an economic union."

I know what you're thinking..."where did they find that much tequila in a muslim country?"

Congratulations!!

Good news this morning from London where my dear friend Laura Winter and her partners Ivan O'Mahoney and Karen O'Connor won the Foreign Press Award for TV Feature Story of the Year for "The Boys from Baghdad High" shown on BBC's This World. The documentary also aired on HBO last summer. The premise is great: they gave digital video cameras to 6 boys in Baghdad and asked them to record their last year in high school.

Persona Non Grata and other items

You know things are bad in Zimbabwe when they won't let Jimmy Carter in. Come on.....Jimmy Carter?? Clearly the 84 year old Nobel Prize winner is a threat to 84 year old Mugabe. Maybe they could have a cage match. Carter showed up with Kofi Annan and they wouldn't let him in either. Carter and Annan are part of a group called The Elders that was originally assembled by Sir Richard Branson and Peter Gabriel and announced by Nelson Mandela on his 89th birthday. The group is currently chaired by Archbishop Desmond Tutu.

Carter and Annan join a distinguished list of folks who have been denied entry to Zimbabwe. They include, reporters from the BBC, The Times, The Daily Telegraph, The Sun and The Mirror and for good measure, the Dutch Human Rights Ambassador. Because it's so important to keep the riff raff out.

Elsewhere....

In Moscow, the murder trial of journalist Anna Politkovskaya has been re-opened to the public. For now. The three men on trial are accused of being involved in the murder, but not for doing the actual killing. The proceedings so far make the old American sitcom Night Court look like a serious courtroom drama.

Meanwhile, in Dubai....

The two Britons accused of making love on the beach had their jail terms suspended and have been ordered to leave the country. I hope these two rocket scientists realize what a gift they just received.

45 YEARS???!!!???!?!

So the authorities in Myanmar sentenced a comedian...A COMEDIAN...to 45 years for trying to deliver aid to cyclone victims. Well sure, he had it coming. Who was he to make the military look bad? Forget the rallying in the streets and rioting, nothing scares a junta like a comic with a sharp tongue.

I am reminded of Pastor Martin Niemoller's poem about Germany's intellectuals, and I made a few changes....

They first came for the mimes, and I didn't speak up because I wasn't a mime.

Then they came for the ventriloquists, and I didn't speak up because I wasn't a vent.

Then they came for the guitar acts, and I didn't speak up because I wasn't a guitar act.

Then they came for the political comics, and there was no one left to speak up.

45 years indeed.

Rothko......I don't think so...

So, I was in London last week and stopped off at the Tate Modern to check out the Rothko exhibit. And yes, I realize this isn't foreign policy, but it's in London. And it's my blog.

So...the Rothko exhibit.

I don't get it. The canvas is black. OK....some of them are red.

Kierkegaard and Sartre get mentioned in the notes. It's very fancy. Lot of young couples staring at the large canvases and whispering. The women whisper, the men nod, clueless as usual.

But at the end of the day, the canvas is still black.

There is a lot of hubris and spin involved.

But the canvas is still black.

"Oh no. There are shades of black. And they have a lot of meaning."

Maybe to you, but to me they are black.

But my hat is off to Rothko. He pulled it off.

Democracy IS a contact sport

It looks like Iraq will be fielding a team to the Legislative Brawling World Championship. According to the New York Times, "a session of Iraq’s Parliament collapsed in chaos on Wednesday, as a discussion among lawmakers about a three-year security agreement with the Americans boiled over into shouting and physical confrontation."

I'm not sure where the inaugural tournament will be held. Taiwan and South Korea have both put in bids. Representatives from Taiwan cited its long history of "physical democracy" pointing to a BBC article which noted that back in 2001, MP Lo Fu-chu was suspended from parliament for six months after punching a female colleague.

Bookmakers note that the Ukraine, though relatively new to parliamentary brawling, are going off at decent odds due to their recent activities.

South Korea is a perennial favorite and is expected to field a tough team.

Georgia, still reeling from its altercation with Russia, has a small team but is expected to attend.

The other nations rounding out the field are Mexico, India and Russia.

Ah yes. Full contact democracy. They used to fight in the streets with guns and knives. Now it's moving indoors and they are using fists. No matter how you feel about it, it is progress.

Morning nuggets...

While looking for something to write about today....I found these two items. The first is one of those uh oh moments. The other reminds me that this is truly a wide and diverse world and that I will never see it all.

First your uh oh moment.

The BBC had this headline today: Nepali Police 'Torture Children.' How'd you like to be the prime minister's press secretary. "Uh....sir....I don't think you're going to like this." Indeed, how DO you spin torturing of children.

The next item is from Germany's Der Spiegel Online. I don't work blue, but .....well...this was delivered on a platter.

In the southern Balkans, a small Muslim ethnic group maintains its collective identity by means of mass circumcision. Once every five years, villagers gather to ordain their boys. And to party for four straight days.

It's all part of something called Sunet a tradition there for several centuries. And here's the kicker.....

At last year's Sunet, 130 boys from 10 months to five years -- some brought from abroad -- were circumcised by 70 year old Zylfikar Shishko, a barber from the nearby town of Prizren who has been performing the role for the last 45 years.

Yes indeed, when I'm thinking of skilled medical talent, I immediately think Floyd the barber. Enjoy your breakfast.

Fraud monitors? We don't need no stinking fraud monitors

So the New York Times reports that Maliki's government is quietly firing fraud monitors. And why not. After all, government oversight is anathema to business. And things are running so smoothly over there. Besides, downsizing government is always a good thing. And really, the fraud isn't that much. Just $13 billion. I mean, you have to look at the big picture. When you consider that we've spent nearly a trillion dollars over there, $13 billion...well....that's just the foam off the top of a cold mug of beer.

Of course, when you're restructuring government, you're going to step on a few toes. There have been some sour apples. According to the Times, "Chris King, a former United States Embassy official who was a senior adviser to the integrity commission said the inspectors general were in many ways one of the last firewalls preventing the Iraqi government from keeping its operations largely in the dark."

And yet, they persevere. The article goes on to say that, "each of Iraq’s 30 cabinet-level ministries has one inspector general." And so far, officials who are paying attention say that anywhere from 7 to 9 of them have been dismissed. I know, change comes slowly. On the bright side, they have gotten rid of the inspector general of the Central Bank of Iraq. And we all know how important it is to let banks do their own thing.

However, I think they can do better. I believe that with a little effort (read - good old American know how) they can clean house for good. But they need leadership. They need someone who is ruthless. Someone who is practiced in the art of secrecy. They need Dick Cheney. And guess what? Dick will be available in January.

I'm just here to help.

The ship belongs to WHO??

Not much in the news these days about that Ukrainian ship with the tanks somewhere off the coast of Somalia. Today it's all about the supertanker filled with a $100 million worth of crude. Now all they have to do is hijack a refinery and they're in business.

Call me a naive, but you'd think the NSA has eyes on that part of the world 24/7 and has the kind of resolution on their satellites that allows them to see what the pirates are having for lunch let alone where they are.

Still, you have to think that the pirates are scared. I mean it's one thing to piss off the Ukrainians, but to grab a $100 million worth of crude from the Saudis? You know, where they cut off a limb for theft? Nope. They are toast. They don't make a Hallmark card for that.

Who ordered the duck?

So do you think they had separate checks at the White House last night? And I bet the jockeying for seats was intense.

"I wanna sit next to Hu Jintao!"
"No way. You sat next to him last time."
"Did not."
"Did so."
"Go sit next to Merkel."
"Bush is sitting next to Merkel, and she wants to move away from him."
"Well then go sit over with Bambang?"
"Who?"
"The Indonesian guy."
"Naah. I can't pronounce his first name."
"Then go sit next to Brown"
"And fall asleep in my soup? No way."

Ah yes. Money changes everything.

G20 and the Free Market

I, like President Bush, am also a "free market guy," but this weekend as the leaders of the world's largest economies gather in Washington D. C. in $600 a night hotel rooms to wine and dine and talk about the mess we are in, I hope someone notes that with all the recent bailouts globally, right now, the "free market" isn't "free."

Afghan Solution: A Dinner and a Movie

This morning brings news of another car bomb in Afghanistan and young girls blinded by acid just because they were on their way to school. This is not good. And yet, you know this is will continue unless something changes. So, here is a solution.

Instead of pouring more and more guns and arms into the country, it is time to use the money differently. Rather than enriching arms companies, lets give the money directly to the Afghan people. Here are some rough numbers. According to the CIA World Fact book, the work force there numbers 15 million. The GDP per capita in Afghanistan is $1000 a year. So far, we have dumped enough money into Afghanistan over the last 6 years, that if we had just given them the money the per capita would have doubled to $2000.

So again, what the heck, let's put everyone on the payroll and double their income. Now, flush with cash, they have "disposable income." And you know what folks do with disposable income? That's right, they go to a dinner and a movie.

Next thing you know, restaurants will be popping up all across the land. The Poppy Garden, Osamabee's, whatever. Followed by 14 plex movie theaters.

Now how are they going to get to the restaurant and theater? You got it, a car. Soon Chevy and GM dealers will dot the landscape which will help our economy. After car dealers, come insurance companies. And with insurance companies come golf tournaments. And soon they'll be turning poppy fields into golf courses.

What? Like the current plan is working?