Gay? No way.

According to the New York Times, the United States took the bold position of voting against a non-binding measure to decriminalize homosexuality in the United Nations. Not only was it co-sponsored by the French and the Dutch, but all 27 European Union nations voted for it! It wasn't bad enough that they brought us the printing press, the Reformation and the Renaissance, now they have to shove equal rights down our throats.

Well the heck with them. Of course we can't stand up in the United Nations and decriminalize homosexuality. For crying out loud, if we decriminalize homosexuality, the next thing you know they'll be decriminalizing child labor, and the trafficking of women for sexual purposes. Oh.

Well....and then what? Next thing the zealots will do is insist that people have the right to drink clean water, and access to affordable health care. No sir. Decriminalizing homosexuality is just another slippery plank of the global homosexual agenda. And they are sneaky. They use people like Leonardo da Vinci and his art, Elton John and his music, Truman Capote and his literature, and Ellen DeGeneres and her humor to demonstrate that they are just like us. And I for one will NOT have it.

I mean, come on people, we can't have the world thinking that America stands for such nonsense as respect, dignity and God forbid, equal rights under the law.

No sir. Mark my words, someday, people will look back on George Bush's courageous refusal to bend to the homosexual agenda and decriminalize homosexuality at the United Nations as the moral equivalent of Gov. George Wallace blocking the schoolhouse to prevent the integration of Alabama schools.

How do YOU spell irony?

This is a quick one, and I certainly hope the guy is OK, but you can't beat this headline for irony. According to Reuters:

U. S. anti-kidnap expert kidnapped in Mexico

More to the point is that Mexico is a mess. Someone recently wrote that if this keeps up, we are going to have an Hispanic version of Afghanistan south of our border. A country out of control that is largely run by the mob. Drug lords, warlords. Same diff.

David Danelo in an op-ed piece on a McCalatchy website put it most succinctly:

Mexico, our second-largest trading partner, is a fragmenting state that may spiral toward failure as the recession and drug violence worsen.

But nothing will change while Cabo is quiet and Cancun still has sun and margaritas.

Happy 60th Birthday

Was it good for you? Man, I thought the partying would never end. For weeks I'd been preparing. Sending out the cards, hanging the bunting, preparing for that national holiday...yes indeed, when it comes to celebrating the sixtieth birthday of the Universal Declaration of Human Rights, we spared no effort. Right? Hello?

What do you mean you missed it?

It led the news. President Bush met with human rights activists in the Oval office. It was HUGE.

For my money it didn't get nearly the press it deserves. Just another reminder that we have a long way to go to achieve the following:

"Article 1: All human beings are born free and equal in dignity and rights. They are endowed with reason and conscience and should act towards one another in a spirit of brotherhood."

So, during this holiday season, let's pause for a minute, even as our economy is in shambles, to remind ourselves that there are those who are worse off than we are. Like, Maung Thura, also known as Zarganar a comedian in Myanmar doing 45 years for trying to help cyclone victims. He is just one of countless thousands who sit in prisons, without legal recourse, subject to torture and beatings just because they spoke up.

Free Fall

I, along with the rest of the world, am watching Zimbabwe in free fall. It's the ultimate train wreck. Hyperinflation, corruption, cholera. You wonder if Mugabe even knows what's going on, or is he firmly sealed in his bubble.

What is your day like when one of the most important things you will do all day is find clean water to drink.

And at what point do ordinary Zimbabweans rise up and say, "Enough!"

They will eventually. And there will be more bloodshed. Of that we can be certain.

The real interesting thing is watching how the rest of the world is standing by. I think people want to intervene but lack the will. You can't interfere in a sovereign country. So we will have more Cambodias, more Darfurs and on and on.

And more people will die. Not funny.

Elsewhere in the world.....

According to a piece on the BBC website, some guy is building an exact replica of the Taj Mahal in Bangladesh to the tune of $58 million dollars.

Yes. Really.

When I think of a list of things that Bangladesh needs, "exact replica of Taj Mahal" is not in the top five on that list. Truth be told, it doesn't even make the list.

Here a couple of items about Bangladesh that I gleaned from the CIA's World Factbook:

• much of the country is routinely inundated during the summer monsoon season

I'm thinking $58 million might be a good start on a system of dikes.

• many people are landless and forced to live on and cultivate flood-prone land; waterborne diseases prevalent in surface water; water pollution, especially of fishing areas, results from the use of commercial pesticides; ground water contaminated by naturally occurring arsenic; intermittent water shortages because of falling water tables in the northern and central parts of the country; soil degradation and erosion; deforestation; severe overpopulation

Rubber boots anyone? Again, the term dike comes to mind. Maybe use some of that $58 million to bring in a couple of Dutch guys who have some experience with the whole dike/water thing.

Don't get me wrong, I like the Taj Mahal. I've been there. Seen it. Nice building. But it's been done. Bangladesh needs dikes. Or a dam. At the very least... a couple of ambitious beavers.

Almond Cluster Joy Bombs

I, for one, am glad the U. S. did not join 100 other nations in signing the treaty to ban cluster bombs. We, along with the other 26 nations who manufacture cluster bombs, have worked long and hard to perfect a way to maximize collateral damage to children, and darn it, we are not going to let all those years of research and hard work go for naught.

Leaving aside for a moment the lucrative nature of the cluster bomb business, people have to realize that it's not everyday that you come up with a really effective device with which to kill human beings. And, long after the bombers are back in the hangars, these bomblets just keep on killing. Talk about bang for your buck.

But I think we can do better. Right now according to an article in the UK's Guardian newspaper, Handicap International says that 98% of the casualties it found were civilian. Only 98%! I know, you're saying that 98% is pretty good, and that it's hard to perfect something as neat as the cluster bomb, but hear me out.

Having spent some time in the branding/advertising industry I think the way to kill more children and civilians is packaging. Perusing the images of cluster bombs on the Internet, it is easy to see right away that there is a dearth of imagination when it comes to cluster bombs. We need to brighten things up.

We have to use the color palette more creatively. Reds, greens, blues, yellows. And what if we made them cuddly? How about wrapping the cluster bombs in stuffed animals like little toy bears, or cuddly pandas -- you know, to draw the kids in. And what if we disguised them as food to grab the adults? A cluster bomb that looks like a can of soup. Come on folks, 98% is good, but I think we can get that last 2%.

Who's with me?

How about a Soft Power Czar?

President-elect Obama rolled out his national security team the other day, and if you ask me, there was someone missing. Who is going to run the United States Information Agency? Oh...right. It doesn't exist anymore.

Laugh if you want...but America the brand has been diluted if not outright damaged by the current administration. While the new team is a good start towards repairing that damage, this needs to be a coordinated effort. Luckily though, as hard as they tried to destroy it, they failed. As my friend Bill says, "There is only one American dream. There is no Chinese dream, there is no German dream and there is no French dream."

Come January 20th, we get a do-over. A chance to once again re-assert America as the place to be. It's time to replace the big ugly bouncers in wrap around sunglasses behind the velvet rope with a Wal-Mart greeter. Come on down.

We need to let the world know that the last 8 years were just a bad dream. Yeah, we got a little paranoid after 9/11, and we over-reacted but could you blame us? We'd never been attacked like that before. It was like we were the prom queen and we discovered that not everyone likes us. Oh my god! But we're better now. Really.

That's why the person that the new President puts in charge of Public Diplomacy had better have a real understanding of the world. It needs to be someone who has spend time living in different countries. Not someone who has served in multiple U. S. missions abroad and who's only contact with locals has been the people who come through the consulate doors.

No we need someone who has not been a part of the U. S government. Someone who shopped in the markets and hung out in the bars. Someone who has ridden public transportation regularly, someone who has had contact with the local cultures. Someone who has coughed up 5 yuan or ringits or rupees to buy that grilled "thing" on a stick and then spent the next five hours on their knees praying to the porcelain god while that "thing on a stick" worked their way through their body. Hey, that's how you learn about local culture. It's also where you hear what people really think about the U. S.

Right now, folks aren't happy with the U. S. But we can fix it. We may have to eat a few more "things on a stick" but it will be worth it.

Monday....monday.....

As I disengage from our annual national tryptophan induced coma, I'm thinking the sub-continent could use to eat a little more turkey.

Terrible stuff in Mumbai, theories abound and everyone has an opinion, but if you drill down, it ultimately comes down to economics with a side order of tribalism or religion. One element has primacy, and all that are associated with it get to benefit. Belong to the minority and you're a second class citizen. The answer is to give everyone a shot at the pie equally. When people are fat and happy and worried about soccer games and school grades you have progress.

Speaking of progress....

I flew into Iran a number of years ago and I remember that the Purser on the flight said something to the effect of, "Welcome to Tehran, the local time is 1:15 PM in the year 1365." Sure...a cheap shot. But reading the BBC website last week I came across this piece which reminds me that they have a ways to go:

A court in Iran has ruled that a man who blinded a woman with acid after she spurned his marriage proposals will also be blinded with acid.

Ah...equality. You don't think so? Who's to say that a few years ago she wouldn't have been stoned to death for the same "offense" ? I mean spurning a MAN's advances?? That just doesn't cut it. So as far as I'm concerned, this is visible progress.

Truth be told, most Iranians are probably embarrassed by this. I know I would be.