What year is it?

Sunnis killing Shiites, Shiites killing Sunnis, Christians killing Muslims, Muslims killing Christians.

You'd think it was 1587 not 2006. So we haven't really progressed all that much.

Oh sure, we have the Internet, 700 channels of satellite television, instant messaging with any part of the world and yet, we still find reasons to kill each other. And when we don't have guns? Or bombs to do the job, we manage. Because we're earthlings. Primitive, superstitious and just plain ignorant.

I bring this up because all of us have become so inured to daily reports of religious killing. I'm no different. But this report on CNN really caught my eye. It is a piece about the sectarian killings in Nigeria. And the story is like any other story except that one little paragraph caught my eye. Well, OK, the headline "Corpses burn on streets of Nigerian city" caught my eye too.

Ready?

"Christian mobs, seeking revenge for the killings of Christians in the north, attacked Muslims with cutlasses, destroyed their houses and torched mosques in two days of violence in Onitsha, where at least 93 people have died."

Cutlasses?????? Are you KIDDING me?????

And it was cutlasses....plural!

Where do you buy a cutlass these days? Besides the knife channel, I mean.

Is there a Cutlass Outlet store in Nigeria that I don't know about? Or are there left over armaments from Long John Silver's errant voyage to Nigeria?

Cutlasses??

But it gets better. How is that possible you ask??

Read this story from the Daily Independent in Nigeria.

It describes a world that I cannot begin to fathom.

Allow me a few random quotes from that piece:

"Ogunyemi whose leg was completely cut off by his attackers "

And you worry about yellow waxy buildup on your coffee table....

"He was stripped naked and beaten to a state of coma before he was bundled inside a bus and taken to the Eleyele Police headquarters in Ibadan where he has since been in detained."

I presume "he" is still in a coma, even in detention at police headquarters.

"Last week the entire city of Ibadan was held hostage by series of attacks by Tokyo men who held motorists hostage with violent display of guns, cutlasses, charms, amulet and other dangerous weapons...."

Well...we can't have people walking around threatening you with "amulets" now can we?!!!!

So the point today is, the next time you drive to the Wal-Mart, in your air conditioned SUV, to shop in a large, clean, well stocked food store, take a moment, drop to your knees and kiss the ground with gratitude that no one tried to hack your leg off with a cutlass or threatened you with an amulet.

Of course, I'd be wary of that ham and cheese omelette at the IHOP.

I've Got You.....

Under my skin.

The Chicago Tribune has a story about yet another slow move toward general acceptance of sub-cutaneous ID chips.

The article concerns an Ohio security firm's boss and two workers who have had radio transmitting chips implanted under their skin. How nice.

The article further details how this is nothing new, and that the US is behind the rest of the world in using this technolgy.

Hey, I don't want to be "behind" the rest of the world, I want us to be the ones who never use this technology. Dead last. Paranoid? You bet.

And yet...the erosion continues.

Don't know if you've been paying attention to the news of the inevitable introduction of biometric ID cards in the United Kingdom.

Of course, we already have an ID card here in the U.S., it's called the Social Security card. And try getting a new one if your identity gets stolen.

This whole ID card, chip-under-the-skin, personal identity card stuff is creepy. And it's a lot like global warming. It's happening so slowly that you don't even realize it until the island you've been living on is suddenly under a foot of water.

So where's the funny here?

There isn't.

OK...a little nervous laughter. But that's a whole different kind of funny.

Some thoughts on the Olympics.

Once again the world has come together to celebrate physical excellence, sports-man and woman like conduct and extreme displays of nationalism.

• Very cool that Peter Gabriel sang John Lennon's "Imagine." Even more cool was that all the athletes sang along and knew the lyrics. For one brief moment you had a glimpse of the possibilities.

• Watched the Canadian women's ice hockey team shut out the Russian women 12-0, which makes me miss the Soviet Union. You know that would have never happened under the Soviets. OK…so the women would have had 5'oclock shadows…but they would have at least given the Canadians a game.

• The snowboarders are the coolest.

• I miss the Norwegian women's beach volleyball team.

Now on to today's topic. Television.

Now, admittedly, I live in the US and thus my only recourse is American television and their coverage of the games. But what I really want is to see universal coverage of all the events. I want to see what the French, Germans, Norwegians, Russians, Japanese etc. see.

If I can call my journalist friend in Afghanistan on my cell phone, then I should be able to pick and choose my coverage on the Internet.

But it's not that easy.

Just try finding international television on the net. There's very little.

The Official Olympic Site from the UK, Eurosport, and a few other places but it's slim pickings out there.

Either NBC has it locked up, or I'm not good at researching the net. Which is eminently possible.

My own choice would be that the IOC has complete control of the broadcasts, and that the coverage is 24 hours a day, NBC and other television networks can put together packages for prime time viewing for those who are not able to watch the men's downhill at 3AM California time.

And it should be available over the Internet.

For free.

Especially women's beach volleyball.

The Countdown has Begun

According to an article in today's Guardian newspaper, Sweden's Minister of Sustainable Development, Mona Sahlin, says that Sweden is going to completely wean itself off oil by the year 2020.

I know what you're thinking... "Oh those wacky Swedes...imagine having a silly department filled with people working on sustainable development. What'll they think of next? Safe cars?
Decent health care? Affordable child care?

But I digress.

Imagine, little Mona has the stones to say hasta la vista Chevron, BP, Shell Oil et al.

And why are they doing this?

Here's a direct quote from the article: "According to the energy committee of the Royal Swedish Academy of Sciences, there is growing concern that global oil supplies are peaking and will shortly dwindle, and that a global economic recession could result from high oil prices."

Well, so what you say. It's Sweden. Who cares?

Well, I care. No, not because it's Sweden, although having lived there, I am a huge fan. Herring, Volvos and blondes. What more do you need in a country?

No, it’s the source of the quote that has me concerned. And it should have you concerned as well.

The Royal Swedish Academy of Sciences. These guys know what they're talking about. They're the guys who every year figure out who gets the Nobel Prizes in Physics and Chemistry.

Now you see why I'm a teensy bit concerned.

So, what shall we do?

How about establishing our own Department of Sustainable Development? Or is that just too redolent of sprouts and birkenstock shoes?

Well we better do something, because while I already have my EU passport, the rest of you are going to be standing in a long line in 2020 waiting to get into Sweden where they have electric power to keep the beer cold.

Unclear on the Concept

Out of England this morning comes irrefutable proof that drugs affect the logic and reasoning functions of the brain.

The Mirror in the UK has a story about a crack dealer selling drugs to raise funds for radical Muslim groups. Whatever happened to bake sales?

eMission Statement?

As I embark this on this blog journey I find myself thinking: "Yeah, right. Just what the world needs, another blog."

And it hasn't escaped me, that only one letter separates blog and clog.

However, in searching the general blogosphere, I haven't found a single strictly foreign policy humor blog. Admittedly, it's a tough subject to lampoon. And here I speak from experience.

Back in the day when I was doing stand-up, at the IMPROV and Catch A Rising Star in New York and other comedy clubs around the country, being a political comic was tough. Being an international political comic was suicide. Which will explain why you never heard of me. Well, that, and the fact that I wasn't a particularly funny stand-up. Although in my defense, a survey published by National Geographic magazine back in 2002 revealed that 29 percent of young Americans couldn't find the Pacific Ocean on a map.

Anyway, surveying the blogosphere I really get tired of, among other things, the harshness of the rhetoric, the ignorance, the xenophobia, the jingoism and the partisanship that runs through it all.

I think that now, more than ever, we need a sense of humor when engaging each other and the world.

So, this is going to be my daily attempt to write a little something amusing about this tiny little ball of mud we all have to live on. This is for all you analysts, spooks, NGO' ers, journos, IR students and diplomats. And anyone else who opens a newspaper and thinks to themselves……"What the heck were they thinking?"